The rewards are piling up.

Open season has been declared.

Submit now!


[POSTED BY ADAM]

I am getting Reason 3.0!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

If any of you are unaware of this program, then let me explain how awesome it is. Basically, Reason 3.0 emulates a rack of hardware synthesizers, sample players, signal processors, sequencers and mixers. Home of Redrum drum sequencer and the NN-19 Digital Sampler!

It really is the music nerds heaven.

And I got it from ebay. I've never used ebay before because I thought I'd have to set up a whole tonne of crap just to protect my privacy and my money. However, I saw that there was a copy of Reason 3.0 and Soundforge 9 (also awesome) going for around £15 and I thought, y'know, I'd be crazy not to buy it.

Crazy for this reason, Reason 3.0 costs around £500 and Soundforge costs about £160... So you see how £15 is a bargain?

Anyway, like I said, I didn't want to have to set up the paypal and all this other stuff so I decided to test my faith in humanity and to bid. If I won I would pay him directly with bank notes in the post.

I did win, and the guy selling them, Hab is his name, happily gave me his home address and was touched by my faith in him and the fact that I payed him a little extra so he says he's going to send me some other cool programs. I said that if he doesn't deliver then I'm coming to his house with a knife.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

on instructions from higher powers in tokyo, teigan is currently in the process of commiting seppuku. he is going to swallow a frisbee. further to this, we are taking submissions for new members to this blog. if you would like to join the elite exclusive club of hagakure 419 email your case to us. there are no criteria. you have till the 14th of may to apply. after all submissions have recieved you will be given an invitation to post. however in a big brother twist, the exact details of which are so completely secret we dont know them yet, there will be eliminations. poor posters look out. (i'm in so much trouble....)

the council of 4 2 will decide your value/fates. you can only win, unless you lose... ahem...

the final winner will get to own this blog and its inhabitants.
this is not a joke. i am not a crook. is your fridge running?


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

Continued from previous post.

It actually turns out there's a company called Triasicca who make quite a lot of money from selling dead dinosaurs... I mean, look at this! A fully preserved, good condition, complete skelleton of some sort of cool looking dinosaur. ON EBAY!

Only £4,000 too. You'd be crazy to turn it down.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

Yes, this is all about skulls.

Earlier today I was thinking, "I wonder if they sell skulls on ebay. And if they do, what is the biggest one?" Really, I actually thought that earlier today. Naturally, I forgot almost instantly but then I looked at the human skull currently lying on my pillow and my memory was jogged. So I checked it out.

I was thinking at a push I might be able to get an old elephant skull. No such luck... But perhaps there is some kind of law about owning one so I thought more realistically and looked for a human skull. Then I realised that this was ridiculous so I started looking for like, cats and dogs and stuff.

But then, nothing could have prepared me for what I found!

£800, one well preserved dinosaur skull from a Psittacosaurus. You can't write this stuff man, you can't write this stuff.

Check it out.

Edit: Okay, forget that! And look at this! T-Rex skull, $295,000. We have a winner.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

Dear David Blaine,

I am a big fan of yours. I like the way to can totally freak people out. Not only by doing really awesome street magic, but also by staring at them in a murderous and disturbing way. I especially enjoyed that time that you freaked on Aimon Holmes on GMTV. It was both histerical and bizarre.

However, on reading about your latest public stunt, "Drowned Alive", I noticed a small flaw in your plan. It is my understanding that you plan to stay underwater for 7 days. As a fan I feel that it is my responinsibility to tell you that this will kill you. In fact, you will drown within 10 minutes.

Perhaps I have got the wrong end of the stick. But hey man... I'm just looking out for you. Remember David, we will always have Paris.

All my love,
Adam.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

Desci and her boyfriend have a podcast! The banter is of a high standard [*]. And the novelty value of hearing, for the first time, the disembodied voice of someone whose words one has been reading for, like, 16 months is also considerable.

[*] "People are cunts!"
"But it'll be okay."
Yes.


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

Today is the ANZAC Day public holiday.

I didn't even know that until I went into the kitchen to make precious, precious coffee just a minute ago. Despite seeing all this stuff about ANZAC day in a discarded copy of The Age I happened to read whilst eating a sukiyaki bento on Collins Street last night. (It was delicious.) I don't know what's wrong with me.

Later that same evening, Bentendo (who is a dark horse) explained, in the process of telling me about his Ghost Dog moment, that his appreciation of said movie is the true hidden origin of the whole "Hagakure" thing. Apparently quotes from the book are featured as intertitles.

I didn't know that, either. I haven't seen it. Maybe I'll watch it tonight. Hell, I could watch it now. I probably should. It might clarify things.

Had Nicholas Ray not one day remarked to Jim Jarmusch: "Dialogue is in the left hand, melody is in the eyes", this blog would never have happened. On slender and delicate threads spun from such tiny details as these do our fates hang.

In other news: a friend from Sydney who was staying here for Next Wave last month has written to enquire after a grey argyle sock.

Here is a picture of the sock:



It's been hanging around for ages. Getting washed occasionally. Hanging around some more. I thought it might be Clexa's for a while. But no.

I was kind of enjoying not knowing whose it was or where it had come from.

Similarly (sort of), whilst my friend of the lost sock was here, she discovered, concealed in a coat, or a handbag, or some such, found in a Chapel Street op shop, a sizeable bag of white powder. We couldn't figure out what it was.

I asked her about it the other day. She said she still had it. And she still didn't know what it was.


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

i was walking home from the pub this evening. as i walked out of the bar a drummer started playing some kind of break beat. so i pulled up the hood on my jacket and wandered down the road. i felt like i was in ghost dog for a moment. such is the way of the warrior.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

this is liable to change throughout the day. many many times. this may also lose me scene points.

today i like the 'supermodel' song. by jill sobule or something like that.
i really belive the line that "i'm young and hip, so beautiful..."

and then the funny verse about tori spelling. good work everyone.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

But Clexa understands.

This beautiful work.








[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

today i hate the theme from csi. dont cover 'the who'. dont fuck with perfection.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

Hagakure Wellbeing Enforcement Commission Warning: Randomnity and general vagueness quotient - high.




[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

This piece of audio was conducted under the influence of tiredness. It is neither funny or informative. However, it does give more insite into the phenomenon of my broken and dying voice. Please enjoy.



Oh yeah, I have to put audio on youtube because I don't have a fancy domain to upload them to.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

Man, we just watched Waking Life. It seems to have induced a minor acid flashback.

I texted Baby Sis - on a train somewhere in the south of England - throughout, in between thinking a lot about Marshall McLuhan. At one point I tried to text Li but somehow still ended up texting Baby Sis. Resistance is futile.

After the movie finished, Bentendo told me about some of his adventures on the continent.

Now it's time to fry a frozen fish fillet. Perhaps I'll do some dishes. I love doing the dishes. It fills me with a sense of purpose and accomplishment that I find very rewarding.

Maybe after that I will go listen to the iPod and smoke cigarettes in the garden. I still owe Lady J a CD.

Many things are happening at once. I can't really cope with them all, but that's okay.

It's all good. I'm having a wonderful time.


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

No, its seems it's too late. Tatu have cast their nubile lesbian spell over all of us. My friends four year old runs around the house singing the chorus to Their Not Gonna Get Us.It's really cute and a little disturbing.

I have been at home sick today and I have had my dose of Dr Phil and Oprah.I was so inspired that I wrote of list of affirmations.Is there a self help group for victims of Dr P.and Ms O? Just remember that because we all live in a first world country we must all think of ourselves as really special and gifts from God.Cheesy grin.

I finish living with Tiegan and the tendo in about a week. I think I will visit.


[POSTED BY CLEXA]

Good mood! Yes, you know what that means!

I hope you do, because I sure don't! What does that mean? What does it MEEAAN? I guess it means that I'm going to spread joy and good-will to everyone I meet. That's pretty much what I did today.

Except for this one guy. You probably know the type. He talked a lot, most of it was complaint. And he kept say "That's all i'm going to say." or "That's all I'm saying." I mean, it's okay if you only say that once. But it seems he meant it literally. He pretty much only said those two things.

So anyway, I ordered some shoes. Converse One Star Premiers, if you're a shoe nerd. Some black things with white stitching, if you're not. They're nice but they're eerily similar to my old pair.

I have nothing as such to write about.

This morning I was listening to Tatu in the dark. It was an interesting experience. It made me feel like I had missed something important about the world. The sensation stopped and started in with the beginning and end of each song. Tatu are now welcome completely at Hagakure 419.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

ok so i found them
www.tatu.ru

i'm currently listening to their cover of how soon is now. i hate the smiths. i hate this more

an extra bit. i love this edit function. um. anyhoo... i'm listening to the russian or i guess origional version of all there not gunna get us, its heaps better. tomorrow i'm going to buy glow sticks.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

Strange things are afoot.



I know I know...I need to work on composition. But hey, I was taking these pictures on my way home for dinner, so I didn't have the patient to look for a good shot.


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

From: Chris Titan
To: Hagakure 419
Date: 20 April 2006 1:47:48 PM
Subject: Aww Come onnnn. Pretty Please!

I want to post on this blog!

I can make funny real life stories!

The post were Bentendo does his binary gag is throwing off the whole template. Did you notice that?

I want to be Chris Titan, excentric fellow for a while too!

Teigan! Adam! Come on you guys...I would let you into my clubs.

Enjoy,

Chris Titan

From: Hagakure 419
To: Chris Titan
Date: 20 April 2006 5:11:12 PM
Subject: Re: Aww Come onnnn. Pretty Please!

Dear Mr Titan,

Thank you for your interest in Hagakure 419.

As you might imagine, we receive many requests such as yours. These range from the plaintive and pathetic to the more subtle and insidious.

Whatever their strategic approach, however, all such requests are completely futile. Only individuals physically residing at our geographical epicentre - whose location cannot be disclosed - may be granted posting rights. This condition is a byproduct of the inherent nature of Hagakure 419, and as such is absolutely & unequivocally binding.

(An exception has been made in the case of Mr. Adam Tenex, because he is special.)

That being said - the desperate, pleading tone of your email has touched our hearts. Accordingly, we have decided to feature it as a post in its own right on H419 in the near future.

There is no need for thanks, or indeed any further correspondence. Although offers of financial renumeration, if deemed sufficiently substantial, may be considered.

Moreover, you are welcome to leave comments on any H419 post at any time. I will personally see to it that these are not deleted by our administrators without an excellent reason.

Regards,

Hegemony Q. Fraternicide
Acting Second Underassistant to the Director of Rejection and Belittlement
Hakakure 419

[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

what ever happened to TaTu?


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

todays hated song had to be generalised to be anything by 'the veronica's'.

if you're from somewhere not australia and don't know 'the veronica's' yet then you are particularly lucky. they seem to be two twins or sisters something like that, from brisbane. they sing icky pop songs about boys, going to parties and not fitting in and things like that. they make beyonce seem hardcore. they make 'hilary duff' seem heavier than 'black sabbath'. they make the "b'witched" seem alternative. they are the sort of people that think 'The Ramones' are a clothing label and that 'iron maiden' is a cooky ironic fashion thing. they are ruining the airwaves. i hate them. bring back 'shampoo' to show up all these pretenders...


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

from this day forth i will try to post my least favourite song of the day and a reason.

today 16.4.06 my least favourite song is the club song for the western bulldogs AFL team

reason: they beat my beloved essendon by 10 points.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

Drug abuse?

No no no, what I'm doing is drug use!

Abusing alcohol would be using it to wrap up a birthday present. Using it would be drinking until the world spins faster and everyone is a possible sexual partner.

Abusing the cannabis plant would be using them to make arms and ammunition for the third world. Using it would be smoking until the world spins slower and everyone is a possible best friend.

I'm not a weed smoker and I've just stopped with the alcohol but it's still a valid point, I think.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

You can swallow two pints of blood before you get sick.

Or so I'm finding out the hard way. And oh my, it is the hard way.

Imagine the scene in the bathroom sink. Looks like a normal sink except there's something slightly amiss. Instead of it being more or less clean, it's completely covered in blood and burning mix or toothpaste and saliva. I'd say five parts blood to one part toothpaste and saliva mix, if you wanted the ratio.

So yeah, I don't really get it. It seemed that I brushed my teeth with a brick. Can you imagine that? Rubbing a brick vigerously over your gums? If you imagine well enough you can taste the blood and feel the numb and persistant ache.

So I've given up the coffee and a lot of other tooth decaying pleasures. I'm making sure I get 4 pints of water, 5 pieces of fruit and all the other things. I had the whole '5-a-day' thing down anyway because fruit is just so handy.

Oh yeah and I decided that if it wasn't the coffee then it was the constant alcohol abuse.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

my new favourite website
http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/errors.html#errors
the end


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

tonight or this morning or whenever it is now we found this web site http://www.angelfire.com/wa3/mypets/rememberingspicket.html it is creepy.

today clexa and me went to the zoo. it was not creepy.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

(nb: about 15 megs, so wait for it to load a little bit)




[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

I have a new favourite song. Yes, I'll freely admit it. Its called Never Say Goodbye by Yoko Ono. Its fab. I really like trashy sinth pop.You should too.

I couldn't afford a holliday so I got a new haircut instead. Its pretty rad. I have a short, little, rounded fringe with a few layers through it and its kind of cut in at the back and the front in longish, so it looks kind of angled. I am expecting to get lots of crap for it at work when i go back on Tuesday.Oh well.Maybe the old dude I work with will now stop hitting on me now. He thinks I'm "arty farty".He is an ex army dude who now does IT in a library. Yep, I work in a library.Librarians rule, huh Bentendo?!!!!

Im looking forward to going to see some David Cronenberg films they are showing at Australian Centre For the Moving Image. Im pissed because I missed the Stanley Kubrick exhibition by a day.Bollox!

If anyone wants to donate us a working car feel free. I like public transport but I really need to go out to the country.This buzzing metopolis is great but I need some headspace. Hoorah.


[POSTED BY CLEXA]

ok
we were just watching battle royale. it was good. somehow the conversation moved to epitaphs and what we would choose. we went through the famous awesome epitaphs from history, like "see i told you i was sick" from spike milligan and the amazing "sorry about the mess" from the suicide note of dead of mayhem fame. i was wondering what i would put as mine, one thought was was "wishes do come true" another was "and so it goes" to quote vonnegut. after a while i decided that i could not fight my nerdish impulses any longer. so my epitaph will read 00010110101001011010101011010010101101101010101010101101000011101101001001101010110111001010100100101001001110101011011101001010100010101101010111011010010010010110100100101010010010100101001001010010101111101001010111001010101001001

again points for knowing the song reference to the post title

its so hard to think of a good epitaph


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

as much as i know i shouldn't be doing this without photo evidence, i just saw a black BMW, lowered, mag wheels with the licence plate, i kid you not, "NWA" and then some numbers. NWA man... pimps on the streets of melbourne. maybe it was snoop dogs australian car, or maybe he hates them. i dont know.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

i was waiting for a friend at the pub across the street. the cat. that fucking cat. was sitting at the table next to mine. i called teigan asap and told him so. telegram over.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

(Not the Cheshire Cat - he's still in London as far as I know - but the black cat.)








[Insert funny voicemail from Bentendo - which wouldn't sample properly due to signal interference - to the effect that he'd spotted the cat again whilst sat in the pub across the street]


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

The mysterious stranger took me to see V For Vendetta last night. It was not shit. As I said upon our return to Clexy (who found this remark terribly amusing for some reason) I went in girding my loins, but came out clicking my heels. John Hurt's disconcerting ability not to blink during long takes particularly impressed.

Amusing quote of the week:
"It is a very major challenge to deal with intelligence" - The Hon Alexander Downer, MP


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

while going through one of my found pouches of tobbacco today to roll a smoke i found a small bud of weed.

this is amazing. after finding three pouches in as many days now i have weed too. teigan will be pleased.

the cat seems to have dissapeared.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

i had the strangest funniest weirdest conversation with a guy at my work today. he was trying to find out who sang a particular song so he called the station to find out. an hour or so later told me that he was worried about whether or not he had the right song cos he had called a different radio station than the one we were listening to. i shit you not. this guy is close to 50 yrs old and had been under the impression for his entire life that radio was like T.V. and that the stations bought the rights to the songs and different radio station all played different songs. again i shit you not. he was worried because he thought it would be like calling channel 9 about the simpsons which is on channel ten. i was gobsmacked.

it lead me to think that if i ruled the world i could buy the rights to nickelback and then i could make a nickelback station. that way i would never ever have to hear nickelback on the radio at work again.

everyone cool thinks nickelback suk.

i posted this under the watchful eyes of eddie.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

N'inquiétez pas mon chéri, Nous serons ensemble bientôt.
Don't worry my darling, we will be together soon.

I love you Amelie, even if you aren't real.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

I am being haunted.

I don't mean that in general. I mean right now. Right now, there is some sort of ghost like entity messing stuff up in my room. The shock has caused me to appear calm and catalogue the whole event as if I really didn't care either way.

It started innocently enough with a rustling which I just prayed was not a rat or something. But it wasn't, it was a piece of paper that was screwing itself up. Fair enough, I thought, at least the guy isn't being hostile!

But then, right!? He knocked over my bin! What a little bastard. Yeah I hope you're reading this over my shoulder! If you had any decency you'd pick it straight up again... I'm waiting!

Oh great, and now my coffee is cold. I literally just poured it! Oh how annoying. I mean who ever heard of a morning ghost? The curtains are still closed so that might be the problem. But if I open them and he goes away then I have to pick the bin up by myself.

Is it racist to hate ghosts? I mean, do they count as a race? I am generally prejudiced against ghosts but I don't consider it a flaw in my nature. Everyone loves someone who loves everyone but hates ghosts. [WILL YOU STOP SCREWING UP THAT PAPER!!] very much like the Ghostbusters.

Wait, what am I thinking? People loved the Ghostbusters because of Bill Murrays wit and charm.

Oh yuk, I forgot the coffee was cold. Yuk. Yucky yuk yuk.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

I'm all worded out from commentage. Check the comments if you want words.

This evening, shit is shitty and sucks - and to prove it, here's some impressionistic photos of the slugs in the bathroom (watch the movie if you don't know what I'm talking about) that Clexa took last night:















And here - as a special bonus - are some pictures she took of my rubber duck, which I find strangely disturbing for some reason that I can't quite put my finger on:










[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

Well thank christ for that ! Now I know we a living in a post femininst world. How do I know? Well , I just saw the Suicide Girls website for the first time.Yes, I am being sarcastic.It is the highest for m of humour.Hmm maybe I should stop now.I think this post is speaking volumes( or not)Arrrrrg.Hmmm. I'll try to get my thoughts together about why I am so pissed about this site. Must leave the house now.Must leave.......


[POSTED BY CLEXA]

Oh what a lovely cold grey day it tis. I'm having free time like Sonic Youth sing about.Even though it is probably about sharing someone elses free time. This time is mine, all mine I tell you, haa ha ha. Oh.

No,today I will do exciting and amazing feats of exciting amazement.I may even get my trousers taken up!You know, I'm of the mind that if your not living on the edge your taking up to much space( no im not what kind of a wally would say that?).

I have read through the other posts on this funny old bloggy thing. First I thought it was not the point of it to communicate with people we know( as in we housemates) but its proving rather charming and adds a strange new demention (dementia?) to the house.Ha, Tiegan said Norks.

Yay. Tiegan and I are going out into the world to see bands tonight. Gasp. Whatever next you ask?No really I can hear you.Is that bad?

Oh and sorry a very apologetic and belated welcome to Adam. I really liked the drawing. Please sir, can we have some more?Feel free to do so or not to do so at your whim.


[POSTED BY CLEXA]

I didn't spell that right at ALL!

Teigan ripped off my coffee movie. Except his was graced with his magical voice. This makes me want to film another one. The next one will be complete with actors and exotic backdrops.

I would like to talk to you all about a book named Coin Locker Babies. It's important, you should read it. Amazing Japanese fiction. A writer with a talent to burn. A great pulsating parable. Startlingly Hip, frighteningly inventive, deliciously grotesque. Devlish and brilliant. Its power grabbed me by the heart. I stole all these reviews from the back of the book... Y'know I would write so much more but I'm about to go and steal food from a shop. As opposed to stealing it from the tree, which is probably legal. Or impossible in most cases, but I was thinking of apples (as I usually do).

Okay, something else just came to mind. I feel that I should further clarify my status as the outsider in Hagakure. I know a lot of you want to know what the house of Hagakure looks like so I decided that you should see. This is what it looks like. From left to right you can see Teigan, Clexa and Ben. You will also notice that I am not there.

So I threw together a quick scientific drawing to show exactly where I am in relation to them. You can also see how far we all are from the moon.

I hope thise makes everything clearer. I'm an outsider. Outside of everything.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

archers of loaf- vee vee
archers of loaf- ickey mettle
archers of loaf- the greatest hits of all time
leatherface- mush
entombed- uprising


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

It's very underexposed. It's not very good at all really. But it's a movie. Movie! I am a film-maker, you know. Yes, I am.




[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

well its late. fuck. i gotta work. fuck. um... i found tobacco and came home with much more beer than i left the house with. i didnt see that fucking cat. mmm. i have realised that i am not hte best conversationalist in the world. so fuck off. the end a novel.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

Ahh, home.

Been walking around the cold, windy streets of da hood. My friend is going though some messy breakup emotions and it seems strange to me that "we" ( as in that crazy, mixed up thing call humanity) in the collective sense seem destined to have the same experiences that loop endlessly.It seems a tad cruel at times to see friends go through the same experiences as you have.Lets all become Zen Buddists. ( Sorry, I'm tired and cannot spell).

Peace out yall.


[POSTED BY CLEXA]

Yes, I have finally given up and have joined the internerds. And what a strange world it is indeed.

Yes, my fabulous debut. Expect a multitude of bad spelling and grammer.Just because I work in a library doesnt mean I am literate.

From now on I hope to not be refered to as Ms Bentendo, as wonderful as that may sound (?).

Yes, Teigan and I had lunch and did see John Saffran but as I recall I was being really cool and only wispered my starstruck comments.

I have made the big interstate move and am finding my place in a new city, job and house with varying success. I will be dwelling elsewhere in a few weeks but I hope to still be part of this curious household bloggy thingamy.

I am partly posting to even out the gender inbalance in this blog. Yes, once again I am striking a blow against gender inequality. Go me!?


[POSTED BY CLEXA]

That's all I have to offer this afternoon.

I've written SO much email today and I'm all writted out now. Totally and comprehensively writted out for the day.

Everything's coming along rather nicely, though, innit!?

Well pleased.

*pats you all on the head affectionately*

Excellent work, children etc.

(Is this whole imperious patronising control freak persona becoming really, really irritating? I think it is. It's starting to irritate me, anyway. Perhaps a whole new identity is called for. Answers on a postcard.)

Any and all.

It's time to walk away from the 'puter and step outside, blinking dazedly, into.. I was going to say the sunshine but it's more like the milky grey late afternoon slash gathering twilight.

Maybe I'll do some dishes. Maybe I won't. Maybe I will get married. Maybe I won't. (Actually, I'm sure I won't.)

Maybe I'll go make some coffee. Maybe I'll make a movie of it. Maybe I won't. You can have too much of a good thing.

I gots one of those You Tube accounts yesterday, though. So locally-based movie goodness is on the cards in some form..


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

Bentendo said...
"welcome. can you send me a recipe for haggis?"

Yes.

Although there are many recipes, it is normally made with the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver, windpipe and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately an hour.

Sounds disgusting doesn't it?

It's the same thing as sausages but generally the almighty sausage makers keep this to themselves after they realised that after everyone knew what haggis was, no one bought it. Sausages are similar, they have all those things and also eyes and hoofs. And instead of stomach they traditionally use intestines... I suppose they usually use aftificial intestine now.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

today on my way to work, on my home for lunch, on my way back to work and then on my way home from the pub i saw a black cat. i'm 'not superstitious' but it seems weird. almost like there is a glitch in the matrix or something. not to say that i liked the matrix movies but that is the only pop culture reference i can think of now after being at the pub. freaking kiss of life, why couldn't he just freaking die. bah. stupid sequels. anyhoo for those who don't know somewhere on this post is a caricature of a black cat.

as a post script to what i wrote just a second ago, 'not superstitious' by leatherface is like the greatest song ever. so go out and by the mush record and enjoy the beauty of frankie stubbs. a wise man once said that leatherface are rad and you should by all their records. and indeed that is what you need to do to become a samurai. leatherface records rule.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

Today I made a movie.

Now... What you are about to see in 100% real. This is not a fake...

This is me making my morning coffee with one hand.



Complete with mutterings and morning-voice. Yes, I have already cleared some space for an oscar.


[POSTED BY ADAM]

Hello, my name is Adam.

As you may know, I am a young Scottish guy who does not live in Melbourne. I actually don't live in Scotland either but hey... Hey, that's life! Nobody's perfect. Man, stop getting at me.

But anyway, I received this e-mail and it touched me to my hard wooden core.

--------------
Dear Mr Tenex,

The Council of Three, having met under the conditions proscribed by the the House Charter of [address blacked out because Teigan is a wanted a man], has decided that - despite your extraordinary geographical dislocation - you are fit to join the elite cabal known as Hagakure 419.

It is with pleasure, therefore, that I hereby extend to you this formal invitation to become a member of our blogging 'team'.

The granting of membership to an individual not physically residing at Hagakure 419's address - an address which, for reasons of which you may already be aware, must remain strictly confidential at all times - is an extraordinary and unprecedented occurrence.

However, following a thorough assessment to your weblogging history, and also your exceptionally favourable record as an operative of Neurocam International, the Council is satisfied that you will prove an invaluable asset to our endeavor.

Be advised that you may post whatever the fuck you like. Be concurrently advised, however, that the consequences of betraying the sacred trusts of the cabal, or of revealing to the uninitiated privileged information which may fall into your hands as a consequence of your ascention to this rarefied position, will be not only extremely harsh - but also profoundly severe.

I look forward to collaborating with you.

Regards,

Magister Teigan von Drake
Presiding Control Freak
Hagakure 419

PS If you wish, you may publish this communique publicly either on your weblog or our own, provided that any potentially compromising details are removed. We have confidence that you will grasp the essence of this directive.
--------------

FOOLS! FOOOOLS!!!

You see, it all comes to down to mind control. And my use of it. Teigan will have already forgotten that he sent me this invitation. In fact, I can imagine the conversation right now.

Ben: Hey how come Adam is on our blog?
Teigan: I don't know... I thought he was one of those English people.
Ben: Yeah man this is so weird
Teigan. Yeah, really weird.
Ben: Totally.
Teigan. Word.

But if you all want me to stop lying and making really dumb and unfunny jokes then I am actually quite pleased to be able to write here. It means not only do I get to write alongside the coolest people on the internet (minus the fat star wars kid) but I can also but all my useless observations here instead of cluttering up the old blog which is meant to be very deep and meaningful.

Right!


[POSTED BY ADAM]

To: Clexa
From: Teigan
Time: 03:58:27pm

If you can't think of a better name, i suggest 'Clexa' since that's what i've started calling you anyway.
Whatever though, y'know. it's just a silly fun thing
Adam aka Cheshire Cat aka [censored] from Norwich wants to join the blog; maybe he can pretend to be you or something, I dunno
OH MY GOD, IT'S GOING TO POUR
Batten down the hatches
No luck with the shelf, sigh


To: Teigan
From: Clexa
Time: 04:06:04pm

Hell no.Aint no cat gona b me.R u callin me clarxa on blog?Ill have 2 b careful bout disclosin my real id or we will have fans campin out front wantin 2 have my babies!


To: Clexa
From: Teigan
Time: 05:04:18pm

Am calling u CLEXA (short for 'Clexbox', see).
That's not too much of a giveaway. Not 2 worry, u won't acquire a legion of adoring fans or anythin awful like that.
Don't know why i'm texting u, i'm right outside the front door
I think we should publish this exchange on the blog


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

I just accompanied Ms Bentendo to the doctor. Afterwards she bought me lunch at a sidewalk cafe on the southern end of Brunswick Street. It was all very nice.

Whilst we were eating, John Safran - looking extremely businesslike in a suit and those daft Morrissey glasses he's taken to wearing - came up and put some money in the parking meter outside the shop next door.

Rather rudely, Ms B and I proceeded to talk quite loudly about our relative phases of liking and not liking him (i.e. Clexa thought he was really annoying for a long time, but warmed to him after witnessing the touching man-love evident between him and Father Bob on Speaking In Tongues. I liked him on Race Around The World - indeed, I was moved to create the first ever John Safran fanpage - but then I found out he used to be a Young Liberal, became a bit suspicious, and stopped liking him. His pisstake of the Sunscreen Song didn't particularly impress at the time. When I heard about that whole Ray Martin thing, though, all was forgiven. And Music Jamboree sealed the deal.)

I'm pretty sure he overheard us. He seemed to spend much longer at the parking meter than was really necessary, and looked very stiff and awkward walking away down the street. But maybe I'm imagining it. In any case, he's probably very used to that kind of thing.

It must be weird being John Safran.

On the way home we saw this sign in a shop window, which amused me a good deal:



Now I'm going into town. Rumour has it there's a shop on Bourke Street that will sell me a shelf in handy kit form (easily transportable home on the tram) at a most reasonable price.


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

http://craneaccidents.com/dummy/index.htm

this is the most amazing page i have ever laid my eyes upon. no lie.


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

if this works which it could, this is a picture of a crane accident i found when looking around the net. i mean nerd...

um i hope no one was hurt but the idea of a crane accident to me is really really funny.

teigan is doing the dishes. serenity now


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

The next question which must be answered: Is Clexbox Going To Post Something?

Heheh, box. Norks. Etcetera.

The House Blog is going on strike until St Francis picks herself a pseudonym and gets crazy with the blog postage.

Do it! Do it now!!

(I'm not really like this, am I? Hmm..)

Ah, she's sick and has a strange, debilitating intermittent quasi-arthritic condition which has baffled the medical world. So I'll go easy on her. Witness the control freak's flexibility and tolerance. Go on, witness it! You know you want to. It's win-win! And other cheap persuasive tactics.

She's folded out the futon couch and is curled up watching Brimstone and Treacle. Bless.

I think I am getting sick also. It's no good. But at least I'll be able to wear my dressing gown during the day. Which is some comfort.

I just read over all of Chesh's posts from the last few months and left lots of stupid comments. I feel really proud of myself. I was going to go to the post office but rain stopped play and now it's too late.

Too late! Too late! swoons tragically

With any luck it'll reopen tomorrow. Although I may be too sick to leave the house. Besides, I'd look stupid going to the post office in my dressing gown. I could call it art, though, I suppose. (Anything's permissable for art.)

There was an amazing and fantastic doco on SBS last night about Live Art. I wish I'd taped it, so I could have watched it again whilst less drunk. But we don't have a VCR. They're obsolete, really.

What we really need is a recording DVD player. Or possibly some kind of suicide pill. That would fix everything, and fix it good. Or possibly not.


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

I said so, and Ben agreed. Therefore, it must be true.

Actually nothing is true, and everything is permitted.

I think I read that somewhere. And, you know, I believe it.

I can see this becoming, like, just a private message system of no interest to anyone but the three of us. And I say that in order to subvert the possibility, not confirm it. He said, realizing as he did so that he was seeking to exert control.

*struggles like rat in recursive trap*

*gives up*

*feels better*

All is chaos. It's not a bad thing; it's just destabilizing and strange. For me, anyway. Being, by force of habit, a bit of a control freak and all.

Chaos is the rich nourishing fertilizer of change. So I'm all for it.

I'm not a control freak. I just play one in real life. Sometimes.

And other random pithy epithets.

See, it's not difficult to sound wise. Just make arbitrary statements like "pants are a state of mind" which play on the concept of relativity in some way. The easily led will interpret this as a sign that you are deep, and enlightened, and stuff.

The truly wise, of course, have no need to advertise.

The plumber is here right now, fixing a leaky tap in the laundry, and telling us that our other leakage problem (the roof) is insoluable. Get a new roof, he says. Would it not be easier just to eliminate rain?

Speaking of anarchy - which, y'know, I was - I wanna go see V for Vendetta. I've not read any reviews and my expectation was that it would be crap but Simon and Bob both give it the thumbs up, which is a promising sign.

I haven't been to the movies in ages. Not since, like, December. Been too busy plumbing the depths of my tortured psyche and avoiding my email backlog, and stuff.

It's a shame I forgot about that yesterday. Yesterday was Tuesday. Movies are cheaper on Tuesday.

We should get a cat. We should get a shelf for the videos and DVDs so they won't get wet the next time it rains. We need a new landline phone, and a VCR - and some kind of adapter solution so we don't have to replug everything when switching between the set top box and the DVD player (and the VCR, when we get one).

I've been saying these things for ages. But no matter how often I say them, for some strange reason, they don't just magically happen by themselves. It's peculiar.

Also, I don't know what to do about the living room rug. I washed it a second time, in the bathtub. Disinfectant was liberally employed, etc. But it still smells like the assorted waste products of a certain deceased canine. Get it professionally cleaned? Buy a new rug? Just fucking deal with it? Who knows?

Ah, it'll all come good.


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]

teigan is a control freak. he told me so.

mmmm... its windy today. i'm sure a wise person has said things about days like these. i'm not old enough to be wise yet. so nothing wise.

first rule of house. wash the dishes frequently. then peace will prevail amongst occupants.

haha i wrote pants....


[POSTED BY BENTENDO]

Good greebling. Or good greiveling. As the case may be.

I don't know if this is really going to fly yet. I'm all in pieces on the floor, I don't know which way is up, I'm empty inside, and if that wasn't bad enough, a dark pallor hangs over everything in the wake of the sad death of Sammy the Dog. These factors may curse the entire enterprise from the get go, he said, courting disaster as he was compulsively inclined to do.

But it seems necessary.

It's a share-house blog. I'd point to the legendary 85 George Street by way of antecedentary examplage - indeed, I just did - but it has apparently died a death.

To elaborate, it's a blog for the residents of the unassuming Fitzroy domicile [*] currently cohabited by:

• My associate Bentendo;
• For a little while longer, at least, Bentendo's girlfriend, who doesn't have a Blogger account yet as far as I know. (Or indeed, a name. But this shall be rectified soon enough); and
• Myself, best known to the online world as Teigan.

It was basically the Tendo's idea. It all began, wavy dissolve, when we moved in about six weeks ago. At the time, he was reading a fine book of bite-sized 16th century Japanese wisdom chunklets called "Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai".

Thus inspired, we conceived an elaborate concept involving Samuel, who would have been the principle poster.

I forget the fine print, but the whole thing basically derived from Sammy's subtle, hidden qualities of masterfulness (if ever a keeshond was a warrior, it was old Ryfrost. Not, perhaps, in the Ghengis Khan sense, but certainly in the spiritual one) and from the opportunity thus afforded to employ the amusing punning subtitle "Blog of the Sammyrai".

Unfortunately (as is so often the way) we talked about it too much without actually doing anything, and the whole thing started to seem much too complex and effort-intensive. Consequently the project was abandoned. But not before I'd made a dodgy masthead graphic (see above), which it seems a shame to let go to waste. You know, it took me ages.

Thanks for joining. If you have been. Etcetera.

[*] I'd give the full address so you can send us presents and stalk us and stuff, but I'm still a bit afraid that a certain artist specialising in the medium of deception is seeking to destroy me for (allegedly) ruining his secret underground organization.


[POSTED BY TEIGAN]